Justin Timberlake is reportedly getting ready to propose to his girlfriend Jessica Biel. You may remember her from that time you saw her ass, fainted head first into the copy machine and crapped yourself. Because, yeah, that so happened to you and not me...

At long last the mystery of why the hell Jennifer Aniston is dating John Mayer has been solved: He's got a monster wang. NY Daily News reports on this shocking development: She's just so happy and giggly. It is completely out of character, said one spy. ...

On the second day the creature returned. The villagers laid Whoppers and Frappucinos along the sand dunes hoping to pacify the beast. I looked down at my gun and wondered if mere bullets would be enough to preserve my hide. Then I heard its call: Y'AAALL...

It came from the sea... Britney Spears rocked/tested the goddamn strength of her bikini this weekend while vacationing with Mel Gibson and her dad in Costa Rica. Alright, let's cut to the chase: Pregnant or swallowed a dolphin? Personally, I dunno, could...

Jean-Claude Van Damme posed on his hotel balcony this morning while in France attending Cannes. He unleashed his trademark super-high kick to show that, yes, he's still got it. What exactly it is remains open to debate.* *But not really; The man has Smur...

Amy Winehouse attended the Celebrity Soccer Six tournament yesterday and was greeted by a throng of young fans. Apparently, their parents didn't care enough to let them play with matches instead. Anyway, Amy stopped to sign autographs even after a busy d...

While her co-stars Penelope Cruz and Rebecca Hall soaked up the sun and the adulation at the Cannes Film Festival for their Woody Allen film 'Vicky Cristina Barcelona', Scarlett Johansson stayed home in New York City having a hissy when the studio wouldn'...

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz were married in an intimate ceremony - in front of 150 guests - on Saturday evening at Simpson's parents' home in Encino, California. The pregnant Ashlee and her new rocker hubby celebrated with an Alice in Wonderland themed ...

Well, it's official: Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz tied the knot. I didn't really think this counted as news until I found out Jessica Simpson was involved AND brought Tony Romo as her date despite reports he banged half of Chicago. Now that's love. Anyw...

Star Trek's George Takei wants to take advantage of California's new same-sex marriage ruling and tie the knot with his longtime partner Brad Altman as soon as this summer. Our California dream is reality, he wrote on his Web site. Brad Altman and I can ...

Sorry Owen, Kate Hudson has moved on - to Lance Armstrong . The actress is said to have spent a romantic weekend canoodling with the 7-time Tour de France cycling champ at his home in Austin, Texas. A source close to the couple said: Kate and Lance have ...

Even though it officially bowed out of 1st place in the US box office, Robert Downey Jr.'s 'Iron Man' continued strong in a third straight weekend of pulling in crowds by adding another $31 million to it's take. 'Narnia: Prince Caspian' won the weekend w...

Sad news for all those Jessica Biel fans out there: trouser snake Justin Timberlake is rumored to be THISCLOSE to proposing marriage to 'The Illusionist' actress. For the first time in his life he is feeling settled and has definitely decided to pop the q...

It's a documented fact that I want the entire cast of The Hills to get West Nile Virus in the face. That said, when one of them, in this case Audrina Patridge, slaps on a bikini I'm compelled by my dedication to science to post the above pics. Here she i...

If you're like me and have only been laid once in your life (Thank you, Y2K!), you'll immediately recognize Laura Vandervoort as Kara/Supergirl on Smallville. If you've never seen Smallville, soon you'll recognize Laura as Bikini Girl #2 in the Audrina P...

The latest issue of Vogue Germany features a totally topless Claudia Schiffer. This picture would be unbelievably hot except her nipples appear to be airbrushed out. Unless she suffers from a rare disease where they're invisible. In which case, Claudia, ...

Pete Wentz (full name Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz III, I shit you not) had a bachelor party thrown for him last night with his dad (pink shirt) and future father-in-law Joe Simpson. No doubt, Pete's father did backflips when he learned Pete was marrying a...

Britney Spears stopped at a health clinic yesterday before taking flight with Mad Max for Jesus himself, Mel Gibson. This adds fuel to the rampant speculation that she's got Adnan Jr. in her belly. But, there could be other causes for her recent weight g...

Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson have officially broken up - again. Oh no. This can't end well. Especially when one of Owen's pals makes the following comment to People: It was a pretty bad breakup, says a Wilson pal. Owen said it was a tough one. He definite...

Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty continued to party as if they're the last zombies on Earth. Looking at pics from last night, I think it's safe to say these two shouldn't be allowed in the same room. Or country. Nay - hemisphere! You know what? Fuck it. Ca...

Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are taking immediate advantage of the California Supreme Court ruling that struck down the ban on gay marriage. The two plan to wed according to a spy for TMZ who was on the set for the latest episode of Ellen that wil...

Bai Ling is chilling in Hawaii this week and also did the Lord's work by partaking in several bikini shoots. This time around, she managed to keep her nipples fully secured. (Or did she??) Anyway, I'll let you guys marvel at these while I prepare my last...

Kim Kardashian recently updated her blog with bikini pics of herself and sister Kourtney. If I didn't write this site, I'd say that makes Kim Kardashian's blog the most goddamn awesome blog on the Internet*. I'm also not saying it because I'm baffled by ...

Before you guys start hurling the typical comments of OMGZ Old!; I saw these on blah blah blah last year.; and, the always stinging You're a marshmallow!, scope out the angle on these pics. Sure, I posted similar shots on Monday, but not with the God's v...

Dog the Bounty Hunter is returning for its fifth season proving that America loves retarded Bible-totin' racists - in leather. (Back me up, West Virginia.) A&E held a carefully choreographed press conference yesterday to announce its decision to return D...

Britney Spears and her dad Jamie left for Costa Rica today with Mel SugarTits Gibson. The Vagina'd One and Braveheart together on vacation? *picks up phone* Hello? Satan? Yeah, it's me. What do you know about Britney and Mel Gibson? Uh huh. Plague of fro...

After a morning of heated political discussion punctuated with my undying love of Jessica Simpson's breasts, I find it only fitting that I post something we all can agree on: Christina Aguilera and her ability to rule Planet MILF with an iron fist. Here ...

Madonna weighed in on Britney Spears' lack of a normal childhood and blamed it as the cause of her insanity. Fortunately, Madonna's kids have absolutely no interest in fame, according toPeople: In fact, they clamor for a normal mom. Asked if they give he...

British singer Lily Allen kicked it Breasts in the Wind style while vacationing in Cap d'Antibes, France. I'll assume d'Antibes is French talk for Nipple Fountain on the side of a freaking cliff. For those of you who don't know who Lily Allen is, allow m...

Angelina Jolie confirmed today that she is definitely sporting double fetuseses. She had no choice in the matter after Jack Black accidentally spilled the beans then sang a goofy song with his guitar. Us Magazine reports: Jolie confirmed the news that ha...

First off, I'm not going to deny that I'm taking extreme pleasure in finally not being the one whose light-years behind on a story. (Thought I gotta admit, I'm pretty good at it.) Star, who can no longer remain smug in their finery, is just now reporting...

Either I'm hallucinating from the bottle of Benadryl I just downed (stupid allergies) or God really hates my eyes - with a vengeance generally reserved for Revelations. These are pics of Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty sharing a creepy-ass kiss at a party...

Britney Spears seems to have started a new tradition: Whenever her latest cameo in How I Met Your Mother airs, Britney goes out and rear-ends random people with her Mercedes. Good for her! Of course, some might say Britney is actually honoring an even ol...

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon rented out Six Flags Magic Mountain last night for a post-wedding bash. Hip Hollywood has the exclusive details and photos of cupcakes. I, on the other hand, am quoting their site and posting an airbrushed pic of Mariah in a ...

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt posed for some fake Mother's Day photos with Heidi's mom. I almost had a heart attack when I found out it was actually her real mom. Heidi and Spencer did something real?! Why is the room suddenly spinning? Anyway, these ph...

Britney Spears made her second appearance last night on the CBS sitcom How I Met Your Mother. Because I don't hate myself, I didn't watch it and opted to drink wine out of box. But I did, however, download these pics taken from the episode and I think I ...

Kim Kardashian revealed on this weekend's episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians that she has cellulite treatment done on her planet-sized posterior. I'm just as shocked as you are. But for those of you wanting an up-close look at Kim's ass, definite...

Folk singer Ryan Adams stole my signature move and took Mandy Moore out for a date yesterday - to the the comic book store. Now there's two things I love more than life itself: boobs and comics. And right now Rick Moranis' mutant love child has his hands...

Sarah Jessica Parker attended the London premiere of Sex and the City: The Movie yesterday. It would appear that, earlier in the day, Sarah Jessica decided to pay somebody real money for the ten-foot tall vegetation jutting out of her head. Because there...

Is Bill O'Reilly a celebrity? Unfortunately, yes. But that means I can post this hilarious video that's been making the Internet rounds. It was pulled off of YouTube yesterday but the champs over at CollegeHumor realized that America needs to see the No-...

These are come crazy ass topless pics of Eva Mendes in the latest issue of Vogue Italia. All I know is, I'm moving to Italy and stocking my house full of Eva Mendes' Boobs/Drink Trays. Where do I pick something like that up? Pier 1? Or this more of an IK...

Like my Pa always said, Nothing else follows up a Britney Spears phone sex post like pics of her pregnant little sister in hooker heels. I now present to you Jamie Lynn Spears: Third Trimester Street Walker*. Prostitution just got a whole lot more pregna...

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer spent some time at the pool over the weekend in Miami. After seeing these photos and remembering what I've seen of Friends, I have to ask: Is Jennifer Aniston's turkey always done? And, if so, why has she not been commende...

Mike Gilbert, a former memorabilia dealer and money-laundering partner of O.J. Simpson, is releasing a tell-all book Monday (above) where he outlines how he helped O.J. beat the murder rap. He also drops the bomb that Orange Juice got hammered and confes...

Amy Winehouse got stuck in a traffic jam over the weekend and decided to wander out of her car. So, not only were these people at a freaking stand still, they had to look at a half-naked bridge troll. Ha! England's cool. The Daily Mail reports: Not conte...

Bai Ling played around on a private beach in Hawaii while taking a week off from Crank 2: Amy Smart's Nipples Fight Crime Like Batman with PMS. It looks like Bai Ling took a page from Amy's book because her nip-nips keep popping out of her bikini. Then s...

Kevin Federline's lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplan paid a visit to this morning's The Today Show where he elaborated on Britney's new custody situation. He also dodged around questions of Britney and Kevin getting ready to make some more Cheetos porn. (Fingers...

Mike Gilbert, a former memorabilia dealer and money-laundering partner of O.J. Simpson, has written a tell-all book in which he says the football great confessed to him that he killed his wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman. Only O.J. says it's ...

Lindsay Lohan is crying in her beers after having hateful words with her wingwoman Sam Ronson. The DJ was spinning at a bash at the Crown Bar in West Hollywood when the two 'had a full blown fight'. A source told Pagesix.com: Evan Ross, Diana's son, and L...

After pleading no contest, Nick Bollea was sentenced on Friday to eight months in county jail, plus five years probation, and five years of staying off the booze. The 17-year-old spoiled brat spawned by Hulk Hogan got off lightly considering he was the dr...