Socialite Paris Hilton, who has been dating Doug Reinhardt for almost a year, says she's desperate to marry him and have two kids: a son and a daughter. The hotel heiress insists she's finally ready to settle down and start a family....

Of course they're not. Via Fox411: But in an appearance on FoxNews.com's hit Web show, The Strategy Room, Jenni JWOWW Farley revealed that she and some of the other cast members are not actually Italian! Farley herself is Spanish... ...read full story ...

Here's Mischa Barton clearly smoking a roach while driving in LA yesterday. And in case you were wondering, this in fact the same Mischa Barton who got a DUI for driving high as shit a few years back and... ...read full story ...

- John Mayer won't be going on Oprah to make amends. [PopEater] - Jerry Seinfeld cashes in on letting Madonna bang A-Rod in his helicopter. [Lainey Gossip] - Gerard Butler and Nicole Scherzinger now? Jesus. Save some for us,... ...read full story ...

Here's Paris Hilton sunbathing on a yacht in Rio yesterday which I'm posting instead of the non-surprising news that Nicole Richie and Joel Madden got engaged after pumping out two kids. For the record, I'm not saying this was... ...read full story ...

When the owners of NakedSnooki.com didn't get their cocks sued off for openly, and still unsuccessfully, trying to sell nude photos of Snooki, I pretty much assumed she was involved somehow. Jump forward to the past 24 hours where... ...read full story ...

It's been a while since Megan Fox opened her mouth and made every man in the world rethink how badly they want to intercourse her. (Except for me because I'm a ninja at tuning women out.) So here she... ...read full story ...

Seen here over the years/when she was retarded hot, Jessica Simpson appears in the latest issue of Allure where she might as well have answered each question with I'm completely oblivious to everything around me and sometimes a man's... ...read full story...

Charlie Sheen's wife Brooke Mueller has entered rehab for substance abuse (Read: crack.), according to TMZ: As we first reported, Brooke had been drinking before she called 911 and that could affect her credibility. Now we've learned Brooke checked. ...re...

To absolutely no one's surprise, here's Britney Spears enjoying her idea of a fancy meal on Valentine's Day: Big Macs, y'all! I think my favorite part of these shots is the miserable look on Jason Trawick's face as he... ...read full story ...

- Simon Monjack returns donations made to Brittany Murphy Foundation because being a shady widower is this week's fake-pregnant elf. [PopEater] - Victoria Beckham is apparently going to crash the Oscars. [Lainey Gossip] - Pamela Anderson is still tr ...re...

And we're back to this. You know you're broke when you invite the paparazzi into your Valentine's Day suite that it's painfully clear no one is having sex in. Unless you count Spencer Pratt masturbating to gay porn while... ...read full story ...

Here's Paris Hilton in Rio de Janeiro over the weekend where she promoted Devassa beer at Carnaval. Because when you're Brazilian and in need of refreshment that lasts forever in your urethra, Devassa's there. What? Was that not what... ...read full story...

Clerks director Kevin Smith was kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight Saturday night after a flight attendant essentially deemed him too fat to fly. The airline has a policy about not allowing passengers on who can't put both armrests... ...read full sto...

Tila Tequila began the sensitive process of pretending to have a miscarriage on Twitter today: - I just woke up in the middle of the night cuz im having these intense sharp pains in my belly. it hurts so... ...read full story ...

Robert Pattinson appears in the 10th Anniversary Issue of Details and apparently he wasn't a big fan of the photo shoot they put him through. What follows next is exactly what you want your most high-profile romantic male lead... ...read full story ...

I was about to let the entire weekend ride on what may or may not be Snooki's quasi-naked ass, when thankfully for you, Cameron Diaz's nipple decided to pop out in Malibu today. Granted this requires everyone to look... ...read full story ...

Here's the first in what's apparently going to many naked shots of Jersey Shore Snooki which she denied existed if you can't tell by the word balloon which should've been replaced with an actual hot naked chick so I'm... ...read full story ...

Madonna and Jesus Luz were photographed making out in a Rio de Janeiro nightclub last night shooting down rumors the two have split. However, these photos do confirm rumors that Madonna is a walking corpse with the power to... ...read full story ...

- Tina Fey does Vogue. [Lainey Gossip] - Kelly Ripa wants her husband to cheat on her. [PopEater] - Kelly Clarkson continues her love affair with bacon. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is NSFW] - Josh Duhamel's stripper mistress isn't carrying his... ...read ful...

When Angelina Jolie went down to Haiti this week everyone immediately assumed she'd be stuffing children in her purse like Britney Spears at a wing buffet. But she assures CNN she's only there to help. For now...: I'm always... ...read full story ...

While leaving Lenox Hill Hospital in New York after being checked out for a suicide attempt, Alec Baldwin snapped and attacked a photographer because he believed Kim Basinger sent him. NY Daily News reports: This guy! This guy! the... ...read full story ...

Not only did John Mayer offend anyone he stuck his penis in and the black community, he apparently also pissed of GLAAD who's demanding an apology for using the word fag in his now-infamous Playboy interview: The only man... ...read full story ...

Khloe Kardashian apparently understands the true meaning of Valentine's Day. Via Amy Grindhouse: Khloe said: Like a solo sex tape, like masturbation. Her friend halted the idea of seeing Khloe diddle herself on camera, saying: I am not going... ...read fu...

Emily Blunt seems to have found the perfect way to escape from the pressures of fame: she wants to play the cello again in order to relax and switch off from work. I want to learn to play the cello again, she told Stylist magazine. I played for ten years ...

It's not the first time whenLady GaGa admits that she had many problems at school when she was a little girl. She recently declared that since her school's strict rules forbade cosmetics she used to wear make-up only before going to sleep. ...

Last year's Playboy bunny, HEIDI Montag, is planning to pose again for the lads' mag. Keen to show off her new body after recently undergoing 10 cosmetic surgery procedures in one day, Heidi will pose topless for $500,000. ...

So remember when Alec Baldwin left that insane voicemail for Kim Basinger where he called their daughter Ireland a thoughtless little pig? He just tried to kill himself in front of her last night. Ha ha! Dads. Us Magazine... ...read full story ...

- Jessica Biel proving why Jessica Biel should never speak. [Lainey Gossip] - Alexander McQueen: Another Lady GaGa casualty? [PopEater] - Bill Clinton is smacking nurses' asses right now. [TheFABlife] - Jenna Jameson should probably stop accepting i ...re...

The Gosselins are coming back: Jon does not have money for the intense lawyer fees and ensuing battle with the media giant and Kate has asked him to reconsider his decision for the family, the source said. She is... ...read full story ...

Here's Bar Refaeli's 2010 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit photos because, as hot as Brooklyn Decker is, it'd be unchivalrous to not make sure Bar still has stupid awesome breasts even though she's not on the cover. Sure, maybe I'm being... ...read full story ...

Here's Hailey Glassman on the cover of Steppin' Out which is apparently a magazine by and for chicks too hookery for Jersey Shore. That said, I'm genuinely surprised Jon Gosselin didn't let Hailey near his kids. She's practically a... ...read full story ...

Despite reports Lindsay Lohan missed out on a $150,000 payday for escorting Austrian billionaire Richard Lugner to the Vienna Opera Ball because she didn't have enough money to pay a stalling fee to delay her British Airways flight two... ...read full sto...

John Mayer apparently broke down last night during his show in Nashville and apologized for his recent interview in Playboy where he claimed to have a white supremacist penis and a n-gger pass. E! News reports: I quit the... ...read full story ...

Here's what people are saying about John Mayer's controversial Playboy interview that forced him quit the media in a fit of tears last night: Jessica Simpson: I'm a boxer! Richard T. Ford, author of The Race Card: He's no... ...read full story ...

After Taylor Swift, it's Madonna's turn to practice some geometry :) Rumors say that the superstar is caught up in a love triangle with her boyfriend Jesus Luz, her ex Alex 'A-Rod' Rodriguez and Carlos Leon. That sounds more like a love square :) ...

And now for the most pivotal news of the year. (I'd say of our lives but then what will I say next year? Even though it would apply.): Here's Brooklyn Decker on the cover of the 2010 Sports Illustrated... ...read full story ...

Us Magazine got a hold of John Mayer's upcoming interview for Playboy where he discusses everything from sex with Jessica Simpson to how he only banged a few groupies to get over Jennifer Aniston: On Jessica Simpson: Yeah, that... ...read full story ...

Heidi Montag is negotiating a second spread for Playboy and this time around she's willing to make it less Jesus-friendly because, goddamn, fake tits cost are expensive. Via The Scoop: She is currently speaking with (Playboy photographer) Matthew R ...rea...

Angelina Jolie, who's trying to emulate princess Lady Diana, is planning to adopt an orphan from Haiti. Apparently Angelina has already spoken to Haiti's president Leonel Fernandez about the possibility of adopting a child. ...

Jennifer Garner stopped by Letterman last night where she told Dave a story about the time she made a dolphin come. I guess to prove she really can have that effect on something. Who knows? Via Huffington Post: I... ...read full story ...

So apparently John Mayer talked to Playboy about more than just fucking Jessica Simpson. Turns out he's black now. No, really: MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are Your Body Is a Wonderland... ...read full story ...

Because I appreciate fine art that gives me a boner, here's supermodels Kate Moss and Natalia Vodianova posing nude for the Spring/Summer 2010 issue of Love. I'd like to see Heidi Montag try pulling off a spread this classy,... ...read full story ...

- Mark McGrath has no business being here. None. [Lainey Gossip] - Ellen DeGeneres doesn't fear Simon Cowell. [PopEater] - Josh Duhamel's stripper mistress claims she's pregnant now. [The FABlife] - Miranda Kerr's runway show has too many clothes... ...re...

With TLC and Jon Gosselin about to reach a settlement that ends with him letting his kids go back on TV so he doesn't live in a goddamn shoe, his lawyer is now angling to get him back on... ...read full story ...

I put off posting these all day because, personally, I prefer a naked Anna Torv and Blake Lively through a telephoto lens over a pack of cougars in bikinis. Fortunately that move paid off because I had time to... ...read full story ...

Like any woman with fake tits and absolutely zero redeeming personal qualities, Jersey Shore's JWoww reached the inevitable conclusion that they should probably be bigger. Page Six reports: She was spotted Friday visiting the Long Island offices of ...re...

- Bradley Cooper should've used Renee Zellweger as a spotter. [Lainey Gossip] - Angelina Jolie probably won't be saving Haiti with margaritas and Sheryl Crow in a bikini. [PopEater] - Peaches Geldof was a bad choice. [DrunkenStepfather: Site is... ...read...

Jennifer Aniston explains how she's just like Jesus by choosing to spend her 41st birthday in Mexico. Via People: Why did she choose Mexico where she has gone many times before? These people survive on us coming down and... ...read full story ...

So apparently Michael Jackson liked to pee in jars while people watched. Why not? TMZ reports: TMZ first published the autopsy findings yesterday. Among the items found in the bedroom where Dr. Conrad Murray was treating Michael Jackson --... ...read full...